Deepening our Connection to Self
Deepening our Connection to Self
Understanding our Feelings + Taking Responsibility
Being able to take a step back and observe without judging, blaming, criticizing either oneself others is a powerful skill that requires tending and cultivation. I grew up in a home and culture where that wasn’t the norm. When I finally realized it was time to peel the layers of conditioning back, it wasn’t easy but so worth it.
Sometimes it seems easier to blame or react versus taking a moment to pause and check in with ourselves creating space for understanding. Understanding that what others say or do is the stimulus but not the cause of why we may be feeling a certain way ( let that sink in).
Let me give an example. You are waiting at a coffee shop for a friend and she arrives 10 minutes late. You are upset and annoyed because you have another appointment soon after and efficiency and timeliness in this moment is something you’re needing. A second scenario is you’re waiting for your friend and she is 10 minutes late, but this time you feel relieved because you have a few emails to catch up on and texts to send so it gives you space to get some work done. The scenario remains the same, but the needs are different which generate different emotions. In the first scenario, naturally most people would get upset with the friend for arriving late.
Usually a “negative” emotion is generated when a need/value of ours has been compromised. And a “positive” emotion is generated when a need of ours has been met. I put these in paratheses because an emotion has a negative or positive connotation depending on our perception.
When we believe what others are “doing to us” are the source of our suffering, the cycle of blame and hurt ensues and we continue to give our power away. The reality is nobody has that much power over us. Nobody. This means we are responsible for ourselves-including our feelings and getting our own needs met. This includes our actions and reactions. If we can truly embody this concept, we liberate ourselves from having to suffer on behalf of someone else. Of course easier said than done…but not impossible!
This may take some time to digest + integrate into your life, especially if your mode of operating is to blame and judge others when you feel upset or angry. You may feel good momentarily, but in the end we are the ones who suffer.
So what can you do? First step, BREATHE. The breath is the doorway to our emotions and mind. Notice when your breath shifts from relaxed to racy or suddenly you notice you stop breathing. This is an opportune moment to check in and see what’s happening for you. What emotions are coming up? Can you sit with it for a moment without having to react? Science has proven that emotions naturally pass within 90 seconds if we don’t continue to feed the thoughts with our own stories and judgements, etc. Be still and notice if anything shifts…
The more we practice listening deeply and observing without judgement or attachment, we can cultivate space for empathy and compassionate living. In this space of kindness and understanding, so much healing can occur-inside and out and all around.
I trust this finds you all well.
Jennyogini
