Change begins with Listening

Our inner dialogue reflects the way we interact and communicate with others in the world.

It dictates the actions we take or don’t take so it’s important to cultivate clarity of mind which will generate rightful speech + action, and therefore harmonious relations with self and others.

In order to do that, it takes skill and a level of awareness to be able to check in with what is real vs unreal.This takes continuous insight and consistent practice on a daily basis to maintain this “higher” state of self awareness.

One way to do this is through mindful communication practices. The first step is by separating truth from falsity. Truth is based on perception you say? Maybe. A lot of times that “truth” is based on past judgements and experiences that cloud our perception of truth. Some may even say we see things as we are. Hmm something to think about… But, there is a practical way you can separate fact from judgement, and it takes skill like anything else new we may be learning.

How do we do that?

Heres How:

Next time you find yourself in a heated situation where you may be feeling triggered. Stop and write it down. All of it, just the way you see it. Judgements and all.

Then go over it, and notice where you’ve input your own judgement, criticism, comparisons, and expectations about the situation. For example, “Jamie was lazy and inconsiderate and showed up 10 minutes late.” Lazy and inconsiderate are our judgements of Jamie. The fact would be simply stated as, ” Jamie showed up 10 minutes later than the time agreed upon.” An observation is something both people can agree on. Jamie can agree she was 10 minutes late, but she may not agree to being lazy and inconsiderate. Right?

Staying observant can help us remain calm and centered so we can understand what this situation/conflict is asking of us. This is a powerful practice in breaking through old cycles and patterns. Core values usually don’t change. We are constantly expressing these values whether we realize it or not, and trying to get needs met. If we can get to the root of why and focus less on blaming others, we can start to cultivate rightful speech and action. If we were to say to Jamie she is lazy and inconsiderate, she is likely to with draw and feel shameful, or come back with the same defensiveness. Neither of those things feel good.

If our perception is tainted, so will our words and actions.

Right now our communities need more compassion and self love. The practice of listening is a radical act of self love, and truly life changing! We have to be open to it and willing to listen.

I’ll leave you with a beautiful poem from the I Ching:

Knowing where and how to settle the mind,
one will be calm
Having attained calmness,
one will be undisturbed
Having attained an undisturbed mind,
one will have peace
Having attained peace,
ones mind will respond correctly to all situations
One who responds correctly to all situations
will find the way

Blessings,

Jenny Ahn